Operation Be a Bad-ass, Part II

As it turns out, I'm going to have to take these life goals one or two at a time, at least in terms of writing about them and sharing them with you. All of them would be too long, you would get too bored, and one of my children would no doubt impale themselves on something while I was typing. No bueno.

So today I'm going to share my first two Operation Be a Bad-ass Objectives.

No. 1, and this is probably the biggest: I need to get strong. 

I'm talking physically (well, mentally too, but that will come in a later post). The thing is, I do pretty much fancy myself a bad-ass. I think I'm capable of anything. And in many ways, when it comes to sheer fortitude and determination, I am right where I wanna be. There is not much that scares me and I can pretty much take on any challenge willingly. I don't know how I came by this, but looking back at my life, I'm pretty sure I was either born with it or acquired it early in life.

But if the events of the last month have taught me anything, it's that I will probably continue to be scared of dying for quite some time to be scared of dying. The only way I know how to combat that is to get strong. I want to have a strong heart, strong muscles. I want to be quick like a cat. I want to be able to pick my kids up again without immediately wanting to put them back down (if you know me, you know my kids are mutantly huge, so this will take some doing).

In essence, I want to feel as bad-ass when it comes to my body as I feel when it comes to my head.

So how will this look in the end? Well, Linda Hamilton in Terminator is probably asking a bit much. Although ...

God damn. Look at her. I would LOVE to look like that. But let's be reasonable. If I did, I would almost certainly always want to carry around a gun like that, too. And wear black. Although no bangs.

So, no ... not Linda Hamilton ripped. For a goal, I go to Pinterest, of course, where this is definitely no shortage of people posting photos of what they wish they looked like. I'll print a few out and put them on my mirrors, but I won't post any images here. I don't want to set unreasonable expectations for myself.

But here's what I'd like, in terms of end-product:

• A strong core (and this is asking a lot give the c-section births of those two previously mentioned mutantly huge children -- 8 lbs. 14 oz. and 9 lbs. 3 oz. at birth, btw)
• Strong legs (I always had them until my knee surgeries and then slowly I've lost them)
• Non-mom mom arms. You know what I'm talking about here. I want my arms to stay reasonably defined. 
• A strong, STRONG heart. I want to be able to run trails up near NCAR in Boulder and not get so winded I fall over in a puddle of my own tears. 

So how do I do this? To be honest with you, I dunno. I'm a busy gal. I have two small kids and I work from home. But I know people who do way more than me who manage to stay pretty damn fit. So I've got no excuses. It's going to involve getting up earlier and taking advantage of what I have at home and around me (elliptical, punching bag, stability ball, trails galore ...).

I want to try spinning. Thoughts? I really want to kickbox and/or just plain box. Thoughts? I want to trail run, but I better start with just some running in general first. Thoughts? And I need some suggestions for getting my core strong — I have some ball exercises that I do, but any other advice is appreciated.

So, there's that. No. 1 objective in a nutshell. OK, I wrote a lot — a coconut shell, then. I will let you all know how it's going periodically. Feel free to send me inspiration, advice, encouragement and mockery, if you think it will help.

No. 2: Volunteering. Specifically, volunteering at a hospice. 

I dunno why, but this has been something I've wanted to do for years. I have become very comfortable in the last 10 years or so being around the grieving, and lord knows I've done my own share of it.

I'm also a huge believer in perspective, and in forcing yourself into situations that provide perspective. That said, I'm a big hypocrite because I've never volunteered — not on any significant and prolonged level.

Anyway, this I've already started on. I contacted my local hospice care provider and have filled out an application. They will call me soon for an interview, they let me know. I might have to start off in some not-very-personal capacity given my own recent loss. It's just the rules, I gather. But that's OK. In fact, it might be better.

Again, I'll let you know how this goes. I hope I'm strong enough — mentally — for it. It scares me, which is probably why I haven't made any attempts at actually doing it before now. I know that I'll deal with all kinds of attitudes and approaches toward death, and I just hope I have the grace to help whoever is facing it through it. That would mean a lot to me, to be able to do that.

That's all for now. I'll touch on Nos. 3 and onward another day.

Peace all.
k.