Wilder's damn good questions, vol. 2 (and some answers)

Or attempts at answers, I should say.

As Wilder was going to bed tonight, he fired off a barrage of questions, presumably to avoid actually having to shut his eyes and attempt sleep.

And so it goes:

"Hey mom, what would happen if there was no grass in the world?"

"Well, no one would ever get high," I responded.

Kidding.

"There would be no cows," Jerry said.

Wilder: "What would happen if there was no ground?"

Jerry: "Everyone would fall to the center of the earth and burn up and die."

Yes, he actually said that.

Me, casting a dirty look at Jerry: "OR, we'd just all have to swim because the Earth would be covered in water." (Thoughts of 'Waterworld' now in my head ... dammit!)

Wilder: "What would happen if there were no mouths?"

Me, before Jerry could tell him we'd all starve to death: "What would we eat with, what would we talk with, smile with, laugh with?"

Sometimes, it's best to answer these questions with a question, I've discovered.

"What if there were no noses?"

"What would be breathe with, smell with?"

"What would happen if there was no hair?"

"We'd be pretty cold."

"What would happen if there was no light?"

"It would be very dark and scary. That's why we have electricity and the sun and even the moon gives us light." (Yes, I know that's actually still the sun's light ... knowitalls.)

"What if there was no sun?"

"Well, we'd die. Everything on the Earth would die."

Crap, now I'm answering him like Jerry! Quick ...

"But the sun's not going anywhere."

"Umm, Mom ... you need to go pee. Go pee."

He's right, of course. I'm dancing around his room like a mad woman, waiting for the questions to end. He always knows, just like his father does, when I have to go pee. And he permits me to take leave so that I can. He's sweet like that. Also, I don't think he wants me peeing on his floor.

So that was the end of the night's questions. I'm pretty sure if my bladder had not saved me I'd still be up there answering more, probably something along the lines of "What if there were no galaxies" or "What would happen if the Universe imploded?" The longer the line of questioning goes on, the more fatalistic it tends to get.

By the by, Jerry just came downstairs and announced, quizzically, "Wilder's very concerned I'm going to fall into a fire and die."

Uhh ... dude? Duh.

Anyway, you'll notice that I'm now being addressed as "Mom." Jerry is still sometimes "Papa," but he's also "Pop" a lot more now, too. And that tooth he lost a couple of weeks ago? The new one has already popped through the surface.

And kindergarten starts in a month.

Sneef SNEEF. Our boy is growing up ... so fast.